What I'm "doing" after graduation

So I've had five people ask me the same question today:

What are you doing after graduation?

Each time they asked, I could see this spark of hope in their eyes, or could see it between the lines of an email. It was a hope that demanded an answer that was as ambitious as they've made me out to be.

It was also a question that made my heart sink just a little each time I heard it.

Not because I'm any less ambitious then they imagine or because I have any less hope. But mostly because, at the moment, reality has hope in a headlock chocking its air flow and every time that question is asked reality's grip gets a little bit tighter.

Of course, that's not what I say to people when they ask (no one wants a Debbie Downer), but its there, behind every weary smile and rehearsed explanation. Its a reality that I know I am not alone in, so I figured it would be a good time to take to the blog to spark some conversations about the topic. Allow me to share some of my thoughts, frustrations, and hopefully wisdom to those who are set to graduate in the near future.

1. More hours and energy in a day please!
I think the difficult part of this is trying to find a balance between finishing strong on your current responsibilities while trying to have time and energy to find new ones. Between school work, my job with the ASC, not to mention having senioritis and just not having much energy after 3 years of  pretty much going full time, it is difficult to find the time and energy it takes to find a job in this market (especially in this field).
Word of advice: start now! think about the kind of job you want and start working on it now (resume, cover letters, research). Even though I started thinking about this months ago, the amount of energy needed to finish and the amount you will need to find a job is just too much to do in a year even, so start early.

2. What I want to do vs. what's available
This balance is the hardest one in my opinion. I know what I WANT to do, what I have passion for, but the reality is that you will usually need to pay your rent before you find your dream job. Could I find a job in a university/college/seminary or organization or business that connects theology and the arts/culture and allows me to have space to prepare for PhD study? Of course! Could it happen in the next four weeks before graduation? Sure it can! But I have to be realistic in knowing that it might not. What are my skills? What gets me in the door? What's available right now that can give me financial breathing room so I can take time to find what I want?
Word of advice: if you can, set aside some money to hold you over for at least a few months after graduation. I didn't do that, and I'm kicking myself for it now.

3. Be realistic about what doesn't work
Someone asked if I thought about working at Starbucks or retail. While I'm not opposed to those jobs as they pay the bills like everyone else, I know myself and I know that I would be miserable. I know some folks say that you should be willing to do ANYTHING to get to where you want to go, but lets be honest here: I didn't get a MDiv so I could work at Starbucks. Unless I'm going into café ministry, that is not what I thought of when I signed up. Now, this is not to say anything negative about anyone who did go the Starbucks route or that I myself wouldn't take the job if I needed it. What I'm saying is that its OK if I'm willing to fight for what I want and what I don't. If working in those areas fit your skills and passions for the time being: go for it! But don't be afraid to say that they don't.
Word of advice: know yourself. The more you know about your skills and passions, the better prepared you can be when it comes to finding that "place-holder" job that will pay the bills while you work on your plan. You want to continue to engage the skills you will use in your dream job if you can. Even if it is not as much money, you will be better for it.

4. Relationships!
So I have a few meetings set up before the end of the year that I hope will give some clarification on what to do next (and a job would hurt either). It's hard, because you can't go into those meetings with any real hopes other than the information and feedback you requested in the first place, but deep down you wish for one of those day-dream sequences where the person has a pot of gold or at least your dream job offer or something. And I'm trying to realize and hold onto the fact that job offer or not, I am going to leave each meeting with something valuable: the establishment of a relationship. Whoever said "its who you know" about Hollywood must have worked in every industry ever created. Relationships are what get jobs. That's good news. But relationships take time. This is not always good news 4 weeks away from graduation.
Word of advice: use those relationships you have established throughout your time at Fuller (or wherever). A warm hand-off is always better than a cold email or call. Know that Faculty, Administration and Staff want you to succeed and will often have ways for you to connect to those who do what you could only dream of doing. Don't be afraid to say: I need help! (by the way, this is me saying it.)


While these four points can't sum up my frustration as panic mode is starting to set in, what I can say is that the hardest thing to do out of all of these is to trust God. That's what all of this really comes down to. Can I say that after I've done all that I can do that I can stand and trust God? I could, but I wouldn't be telling the whole truth and nothing but. Though this process of off-and-on panic I realized that I cling just a little bit tighter to anticipated disappointment than the possibility of things working out. Simple advice won't fix that: only prayer and trusting God can. I can only pray that the grace and peace of God will allow me to loosen my grip on that rock of disappointment and open my eyes to see what he has already provided during my time here, and let that be my foundation for what he can and will do in time to come.

So, what am I doing after graduation you ask?
I don't know. I can only be as prepared as I can and trust that God will allow the rest to fall into place. Please think of me in your prayers, and I will do the same.