a minor breakdown

My head hurts.

I cant seem to shut my brain off. I feel so bombarded by all of these negative thoughts about myself; how I should be performing, always on, never ending.

and I cant seem to stop.

I'm frustrated and I don't know what to do about it. I don't even know what brought this on really; I was fine just a minute ago. And now it seems as if the walls are closing in and I'm unable to breathe.

And my headache is getting worse.

Then I start thinking of all that needs to be accomplished. I gotta start my weeks reading. I want to be sure to put up a good post. I gotta start studying for my midterm, and what about final papers? It s just too much at once.

And I cant seem to get my brain to stop.

I just want to be silent. I don't even know what that sounds like right now.

And somehow, writing is the only way I'm keeping my sanity.

God, why did you give me such a lonely gift?

I feel so alone..so separate from everyone. I just want to belong. Be a part of something.

But I am apart of something. I do belong. Don't I?

Why won't the truth seep in? What callous have I produced that would block the community I so desperately need?

I just want a hug.

I can't do this. I'm putting too much pressure on myself and I don't know how to stop. This time last year I was having major headaches because I couldn't live up to the perfection that was demanded of me.

And now my head still hurts.

I need community. But I have community. Maybe I just need to accept it

I just want to be normal but I have to do my best and I'm scared that it won't be enough and that I'm not good enough...what am I doing here and why do people think I'm so great cant they see I'm just messed up and why can't I see whats great in me and oh how I wish I didn't feel so alone

WHY IS MY WRITING THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME SANE?

God, why did you give me such a lonely gift?