Note: Some of you will read this and think, "this girl is going to Hell; don't pass go, don't collect $200, but STRAIGHT to Hell.. Others will read this and think, "What the hell is she talking about?" Please know that I am not entirely sure, and writing usually helps me to sort it out so bare with me...
About a year and a half ago I wrote a blog entitled, Divided by Homosexuality, which was based on a panel discussion we had at Fuller during my first quarter. I read that blog now and still remember how confused I was. I approach this blog with much of the same confusion, but with more of a resolve than I ever would have been able to articulate last Spring.
Tonight I went to view a screening of "Love Free or Die" which was about Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop. The film was then followed by a Q&A with Bishop Robinson himself. To be honest, I had no clue who he was before hearing about this event and upon hearing about him I was interested in his life and particularly with his journey as expressed in the film. I enjoyed the film overall, as well as the Q&A, getting to meet him, buying his book and getting it signed. But what really lead me to write this blog was not the man nor the film, but the people I was watching it with.
When I left that panel last Spring, I was convinced on my stand on Homosexuality and was just beginning to explore what that looked like as I engaged with people in community (in other words, was it truly possible for me to engage people who were homosexual without turning my back on my beliefs?) As I began to explore this further, an amazing thing happened: I made friends. Not just any friends, but friends who were homosexual, friends who were Allies (heterosexuals who supported the homosexual community) and so on. This issue that I had been struggling with was no longer an issue: it had a face and a name and I had a relationship with it. No...strike that. Those faces and names were not issues, they were friends, good friends who supported me and I them.
"Now what?" I thought. Time and time again I played various scenarios in my head about how I would react to certain situations. "What if they got married? Would I go to their wedding as support for our friendship? Would that mean that I affirmed homosexuality?" Back and forth I went; trying to figure out how to love my friends in a way that was true to the Gospel, but at the same time uphold what I believed to be Gospel truth.
Some time later, Peace and Justice Advocates invited Justin Lee of the Gay Christian Network to Fuller to talk and also to lead a panel discussion. One of the things that I really liked about this discussion and found to be helpful was the fact that they were open to people on both sides to the discussion. It allowed me to understand the possibility of exploring my position in community: that is, learning how to engage in community with others even though I was on the "Conservative" side of the issue.
Some time after that, a good friend of mine started an organization entitled, "One Table" which supported the LGBT community at Fuller. I remember sitting with her one night as we were having our usual Tuesday night dinners among friends and asking about my place at this table of conversation. Would there be a place for me since I technically hadn't made a "decision" yet? I found that there was not only a place; but a safe space to express exactly where I was: Welcoming yet non-affirming (or at least that's what I heard it called).
This leads me to tonight, Gene Robinson, the film and all. There I was, sitting behind my friends, watching a film about a man who went through hardship for what he believed to be the truth. It was in those first 10 minutes that I thought of this scripture:
Greater love has no one that this, that one lay down her life for her friends.
If I truly believe that Homosexuality is one of the make or break decisions of my faith; then would I be willing to lay THAT down for my friends? Would I be willing to suffer the possibility of Hell (if I believed that to be the result of my affirming of Homosexuality) to love my friends? Would my love have to be radical enough to require that of me, or was it possible to hold onto both?
It was at that point that I realized that my decision to love was more important than my decision to take a side. But would not taking a side prove me to be "lukewarm?" (I say this in the term that many Christians view this as; this is not what I believe that part of scripture to be saying, but that's another blog).This is also something that I had to confront:
Did I believe that Homosexuality was a sin because I searched the scriptures and came to this conclusion or was this simply the result of tradition and upbringing? (this question is where the "she's going to Hell" part comes in). I cannot say that I have searched the scriptures. I was familiar with the scriptures that were used in this argument of course, but did I actually read them for myself? No. I had allowed it to be something I always believed, no question. Now, I am not saying that if I search the scriptures for myself (not actually BY MYSELF, but we won't get into the nitty-gritty of context and history of the church and blah blah blah) that I would come out in favor of Homosexuality, but I'm not saying I won't either. I have found that I have to be willing to search the scripture and allow the Holy Spirit to tell me the Truth. For someone who has always believed one way, this is a very scary thing. I can say, "this doesn't mean that I will change my mind" but if I go in with that notion then I am not really allowing the Holy Spirit to have it's way. I am not really letting it go. I have to be willing to leave this at the foot of the Cross and trust that the Truth will make me free. To be honest, I am not sure what I will find. That is where the confusion still lies. But I can say this: my resolve is in love. It does not matter what I believe at the end of the day, love is still required. It is still the greatest commandment. And if the highest peak of love is laying down one's life, then I pray that no matter what the outcome, I am able to have the strength to nail this to the cross for the sake of my friends.
I welcome your discussion...
Thanks for this post Tamisha! I hated that I had to leave right after the Q&A (blame Anselm :-), I really wanted to have some dialogue with some folks in the room.
ReplyDeleteI'm struggling with where I stand on this issue as well. I've always been taught that homosexuality is wrong. Case closed, no questions asked. It's only been the past couple years that I have opened myself up to re-examine my views. I've seen and heard fellow Christians say and do some TERRIBLE things toward the LGBT community and I just can't justify that behavior in light of our Lord and his love. It breaks my heart. At the same time I wrestle with the words of scripture--not just the words that seemingly call homosexuality a sin but words that implicate me as a sinner guilty of so many offenses against God. How can I point a finger or prohibit anyone from doing anything in God's church when God has had mercy on me in spite of myself. I also wonder about the scriptures regarding homosexuality. I wonder if we're putting them in context, because I know Christians are good for taking scriptures out of context and then holding them over people's heads as dogmatic truth.
I could go on and on...Like I said, I wish I could've stayed a little longer to try and hash it out a little more. Good stuff to chew on though...and this is precisely why I chose Fuller and why I love Fuller. I love being challenged to think differently, but still think intelligently as a believer.
I am a Christian with his faith home at All Saints Episcopal Church here in Pasadena. I found reading your blog post a real gift. The reader can see you wrestling towards a better understanding of this issue, towards a better theological position, and towards a better secular perspective on your fellow human beings - all grounded in God's abiding love. Seeing the journey as yet unfinished and in process is a pretty cool thing. Keep wrestling with it grounded in love.
ReplyDeleteI am always comforted by the truth that only God knows the heart. When it comes to making my decision on how I feel about anybody on this earth I am also constantly reminded of what you so well stated... that I am called to love. I don't sit in a judgement seat therefore to push my stance is to say that I do; and I have often felt pressure to have a courtroom as a Christian.
ReplyDeleteLove neither approves of disapproves of a person... it states a position of an awareness of God's grace in both of our lives. I believe that you DO lay down your life for them the instant you show that love in the sense that you have let your "pride wall" down. You have opened yourself to them in a way that will allow you to be hurt and blessed by them.
I appreciate your boldness in processing this "out loud" as you have. The more people do this... the more we learn
1. That we can do it too
2. That being open with confusion is often a gateway to be loved by others
3. What that sacrificial love will actually look like with ANYONE we encounter
4. That we are not alone
Thank you for putting "ACTION" to your thoughts! It's refreshing.
I was there too, and I'm glad that you're still exploring and sorting out and thinking about where you're at, and especially that you took the time to blog about it where it might start others thinking as well.
ReplyDeleteAs for going to your friend's wedding, no, I don't think that means you're affirming homosexuality any more than attending a straight friend's wedding would mean you're affirming heterosexuality. It means you love your friends. I believe that's how Jesus would see it.
Thanks so much for sharing this Tamisha. I really, really appreciate your transparency and your courage. I especially appreciate your desire to follow the way of Jesus in loving our LGBT borthers and sisters.
ReplyDeleteI was really proud of our community the other night. I am also proud that I had a hand in planning the Divided by Homosexuality event that helped orient you to Fuller. I hope that events like that, the Gay Christian Alliance, and the screening continue to add to this critical conversation within the church and our culture at large.
I continue to wrestle with this as well, especially as I see the major atoning work of Christ on the cross - the reason why he laid down his life for his friends - is that he was the once and for all sacrifice for their sin. He who was without sin was able to lay down his life for those who were indeed full of sin.
While I believe EVERY Christian and EVERY human being should stand flat footed against hate speech and hateful acts, what troubled me most about Bishop Robinson's chat was his connection of the civil rights of Africans enslaved in this country and that of homosexuals who desire to marry in this country. They are NOT the same. As slaves, African Americans had completely no choice as to how their lives would be formed in America. Someone like Bishop Robinson in a country like America who is middle class and white and male and educated had every choice as to how he would live his life. While he is certainly gay, he is also asking me to respect his choice to marry man not just as a private citizen, but as an ordained minister in the Church of Christ. Moreover, he wants to advocate for other men and women who are racial minorities in this country and across the world to take on the agenda of the lgbt community on top of their fight against poverty, racism, underdevelopment, stark health and education inequalities, foreign debt and other challenges while he returns home to his quaint, normal, privileged New Hampshire life. I find the assertion of this kind of white male privilege glaringly alarming within the global church. It promotes the same kind of mysogeny that he spoke so passionately and persuasively against the other night.
Listen, I will always stand against hate speech and discrimination in employment, health care, housing and every other area of the public sphere, the right to pursue civil unions and marriage. That's a civil rights and human rights issue for me.
But when it comes to church polity and practice, as clergy in training, I never intend to perform an lgbt wedding ceremony, nor do I see myself ever supporting the consecration of openly homosexual clergy that are married or that intend to be married in a homosexual relationship. I just don't see any Biblical basis for that whatsoever. This, for me, is where the civil rights of the lgbt community and the religious rights of Christian clergy who uphold a different view of Scripture with regard to positions of leadership and performing religious ceremonies must respect each other and be kept in a careful balance.
As a citizen of this country and a believer in the human rights of every person for whom Christ died, I will always support people's right to make their own decisions. God has never forced me to do anything. If allowed, I will gladly go to my lgbt friend's weddings, I will support them in the raising of their children to honor God, etc. But if their children ask me to support mommy and mommy or daddy and daddy's ordination in the church, I will have to respectfully disagree. I see that as loving the way Christ would. However, supporting the ordination of openly gay clergy who would argue that God wants them to get married and that God wants them to preach that others should do the same is where we read scripture differently. Doing that is akin to crucifying the body of Christ afresh by boldly asserting our will or our natural desire for empathy over the triumph over sin that he achieved on the cross.
Nobody is going to "Hell" anyway, unless the pagan Nordic mythology about the goddess of the underworld, Hel, is real.
ReplyDeleteBesides, Hell literally isn't in the Bible. (Check out Young's Literal Translation, or other more honest attempts.)
Hell was inserted into some Bible translations in place of places like "sheol," or the grave, where even the good guys arrived; "Gehenna," or a tourist attraction valley outside Jerusalem with some sociopolitical connotations to the culture of the day, and "Hades," the Greek mythological underworld that Jesus used as a literary narrative to drive home his points.